Is the dreamer unaccountable, because asleep? Is the cognizant accuntable, because awake?
Does my typo intrude? Do you welcome it?
The names of my best friend’s husband and my ex-husband are very similar. When my friend muses on about life with her husband, she interchanges their names. And laughingly, is led down this garden path of what-if-she-married-my-ex-husband.
just imagine
Say no more. My ex-husband and my friend in copulous embrace which is better than crapulous or scrofulous. Shift the frame to me having sex with her husband. Quick-pick another card, it’s just the two of us my friend and I. Speedy swipe left here’s my friend and her man having marital sex. Zoom in on my best friend, she’s helplessly picturing me and my partner having sex before she slams that door, because God knows I am TMI with her in this regard because she’s told me it’s not TMI.
One person’s wank material / another person’s horror story.
Shut the door. Fill the space. With unicorns and rainbows.
Could I help it? Could you?
Damage control. My straight male American friend who is half-Columbian and talks to me about his porn tastes tells me he won’t watch porn featuring latinas because his only association with latin women are his mother and his aunts. Damage control.
PTSD stands for Parent’s Trauma Sifting Down. Her son suffers from chronic anxiety. When he is five, he has apocalyptic dreams of a village burning massacre. He fails to save his family.
She can see his dream in her head. In his dream, he is not a five year old. He is a young man, like the one he is now.
One day when he is 14, his father, bee to honey, follows the ruckus of sirens along glutted streets toward the side shows. You’d think it was a circus, and really, it is. You’d think it were a grand affair, and it is. Exclaiming all the while, car full of 3 kids, his father edges forward to gory display, a place she’d never have gone if you paid her, not with them in the car, not by herself.
The police can’t contain themselves. Engorged and revving give chase! In crowded density, fleeing from them, a boy on a motorbike impossibly dense the van stopping his pace “Dead speed, young man.”
His body released upraised surprised, lands right next to the car. Dead young man, a hands breadth away.
Did her son’s intrusive thoughts begin then, or just accelerate?
They intrude and save lives. Every time I get in my car, brake late, swerve, scream as someone traps me between exit and oncoming, I see the accident could have should have happened.
If ever there is proof of animal instinct, my ESP. Swipe fast this image, the grisly, the life saving.
City litmus, white/red blood cells gamut the freeway. I drive like I’m in Cyberpunk.
The ones I will never share. I tell myself they are normal and mostly I believe this. Make an obeisance at the altar of the lizard brain.
Thoughts we use to ward off evil.
Thoughts that disgust us.
Thoughts of what we wish we could do.
Thoughts that tell us how we really feel.
Obsessive pimple popper: intrusive thoughts. constantly
Ideally at a funeral. Or it could be the theatre. When I’m sitting in Row A Seat 13 my mind is a moth. A cat call at first. Then a wild whoop. And now, perhaps I say, ‘Fu-u-uck!’ as loudly as possible. Puppet grotesque rising in transported androgyny grabbing my crotch, pulling the lewdest face. Plasticine features, large and even in repose, you wouldn’t believe how ugly I can look when I want to.
I might shout out, ‘Suck me!’ or ‘Kill’ or ‘I have a bomb’. Thoughts no more relevant than what would it be like to throw myself off this balcony. Transgression is its own reward.
My best friend. When I told her about going down on a woman for the first time, what happened in her head?
I will never ask
*acuntable - a genuine typo
If you like this, please share or comment. Can you relate to this post? A disingenuous question as I believe everyone has intrusive thoughts to greater or lesser degree. Love to hear your thoughts on this.
you'd prolly be famous in a saner world.
A wonderful exposition of the winding and often completely random twists and turns our minds will take.
There were some really great lines in this piece and I enjoyed the overall ‘feel’ of it to.
Thanks